Waking Up
by Justnerdyme
Summary: When the Resistance fell, Rey was captured by the too forceful, Kylo Ren. After her capture, Rey has a hard time remembering anything. TLJ spoilers (kind of).
1. Chapter 1

That night everything was lightless. The entire rebel base was covered in this dense fog that blinded anyone to their surroundings. I only woke up the pain pulsing through my chest. When I heard his voice again I thought it was just another bond moment. However, my surroundings stayed loud and nothing went quiet.

After training all day, the Jedi books, though informative, betrayed my mind and put me to sleep. We should've been safe in the outer rim on a planet no one needs anything from. The base was mostly little huts congregated around a larger building, blending into the environment around us. Trees taller than I could imagine covered every inch of this place. This asylum was hidden around the pools of water, deep as the trees are tall. We only went out during the day to be able to see where we were going. One wrong move and you were lost to the carnivorous planet.

Now the flashes of blasters flew all around the base. The soft clunk of the stormtroopers boots pressed on murdering those in their beds. No one had time to scream. No one realized they had to scream. The First Order was here stomping through the rest of the resistance. Smoke mixed with the fog blending grey and white against the pitch black moonless night.

My quarterstaff held strong in my hands I began to push through the stormtroopers walking toward me. Two fell before my body betrayed me and froze. The red crackle of a lightsaber appeared before me from the man who asked to join him not so long ago. His hand moving the force to hold my body in place, his lightsaber humming on the side of his body, and his mask again covering his face.

"She lives." His joyless voice commanded the attack. "Kill the rest." My heart beat faster than my chest could handle. No. I would fight. Panic rose through my body and I only saw Kylo's hand come closer to my face before everything went black.

My eyes reluctantly opened. A groan came from my throat as if I was purely exhausted. A white sterile room surrounded me, and my body sore and unable to move trapped on a bed much bigger than I've seen. My clothes changed to a black night dress. The sheets the same silk fabric that seems to cover my body. To the left, the wall closer to the bed with window staring out at the stars. I was on a ship. The unnerving wave of motion should have warned me. To my right the door many steps away. A metal chair next to the bed with a black heavy cloak laying across it. My eyes closed again not able to hold themselves open and my body unable to react to what I remember happening.

The light reached my eyelids again. The room has been turning from dark to light. I notice the changes but haven't enough energy to actually open my eyes. I remember walking into the fog from my small hut into the sounds of blasters. I remember everything but I can't find enough strength to do anything about it. Where am I?

"Supreme Leader, everything tells us she is fine."

"Does she look fine?"

"Uh… well… Sir… she." I could hear someone gasping for air before shadows took me under.

"Ben, she'll wake up. Trust her." Leia's voice. A little piece of joy reached my heart. At least she was alive.

My body was shaking or was someone shaking it? Two hands grasped around my shoulders pulling me up and down. "Wake up scavenger! Wake up!" His voice seemed much softer than the last time I heard it or when he came to the base. The shaking stopped and I heard boots walk toward the window. Is everyone dead? Was I the only one taken alive. What would he want from me? Something was attached to my arm coldly hanging down. My throat parched, unused. I could finally feel my breath. My chest rising and falling, filling my lungs pushing the nightgown over my ribs. Just open your eyes. Why couldn't I open my eyes? I didn't want to sleep anymore. Wake up Rey! Wake up! Open my eyes. Cloudiness fogs my brain once again and I fall into the orbit of sleep.

The door slams shut and my eyes open wide. I blink over and over again to lubricate my unused eyes. An ache pushes into my head. A needle stuck in my arm connected to tubes hanging off of a metal ring. The sheets seem the same, the dress the same all in the sterile room. Breathing burns my mouth like sand had been burning the inside my throat for months. My hand goes to my head bringing the tubes closer to my body. Everything has a light ring around it. Am I dead?

"Please stay calm." A voice beams through the room.

Every time I try to speak only a heavy air escapes my mouth. I try over and over to just say a simple word. "Hello?" My own voice quiet and raspy.

"Do you know who you are?" The voice inquires. I nod my head in response. Where am I? I feel a tired weight against my eyes again. My hand too tired to keep itself by my head leaned back down to the side. My breathing became heavy again and my eyelids covered my eyes.

What felt like seconds later I could hear a sorrowed voice. "Rey. Please, Rey. Open them again. Just open your eyes." Ben.

I moved my hand to grab empty air next to my bed. I am in here Ben. "Ben," I whispered. I can't tell if I said it loud enough or if my lips moved. A haze surrounded my thoughts. Words sounded dysfunctional and all of a sudden everything seemed new.

"Rey. I am sorry. I was so angry. I pushed the force too far. Rey? Open your eyes." Rey. That name sounded so familiar. I know that name. His voice disappeared and my mind drifted again. He has such a nice voice.

My eyes opened like it was just another morning. I put my hand and tried to slide my body up to sit up. My breathing slow and deliberate. "Water." It came out slow and more quiet than I wanted. "Water." I tried to say louder. The room stayed silent, other than the need of my breath, for minutes or longer.

The door smashed open. A man in all black, a scar going across his face, and hard boots walked straight towards me. "You're awake!" My eyes blinked to focus on his face. His face was strong and determined but there was a softness behind his brown eyes. With the door wide open, a man in a white suit walks into the room.

"Supreme Leader I am going to move her. I will have to touch her." He tells the man in black like he is asking permission.

"I'll move her." The man in black insists to raise me up against the pillows and frame of the bed. Sitting up, the weight seems to take a break from my chest but the burden of my shoulders holding me down. The man in the white suit brings me water with a straw. And takes the tubes from my arm. The coldness of the water down my throat catches me off guard and I cough most of the water over my black dress.

"Slowly." The man in the white tells me. He holds the straw up to my lips. "Little sips." The man in white seems kind and gentle. While I am taking my little sips, the man in black seems angry at how the man in white helps me. "Feel better?" The man in white asks.

"Yes." Though harsh and rough I vocalize my answer.

The man in white turns to the man in black. "I will go back to watching her vitals sir?" The man in black nods and the man in white walks out the room closing the door.

"Rey? How do you feel?" The man in black sits on the chair next to the bed. His black gloves scrape against each other covering his hands. Whose Rey?

"Tired," I answer. Maybe he just got my name confused. I wonder if he personally sees all patients.

"Don't close your eyes just yet, okay?"

"Ok." An awkward silence passes. His intense look pierces through me. Wait. Who am I? What's the last thing I remember? The man's hand went to brush something off my cheek. His hand lingered and cupped my jaw, his glove rough against my skin. The metal chair clinks as he lands into it, still watching me from a few feet away.

"Can I lay down?" He smirked as he immediately got off the chair, removed the pillow, placed his hands under my legs and neck and laid me back down. I was so tired that I had to close my eyes, against his request.

The light was seeping in my eyelids. I blinked a few times to adjust the halos that surrounded the lights. The room was light and slightly cold. My hands went up to feel the skin of my face and around my neck. I slowly sat up waiting to notice something familiar. Where am I?

There was a wheelchair next to the overly large bed. I tried to grab it and lift myself toward the seat but my strength was nonexistent. I ended up leaning over the side of the bed staring at the floor. WIth any strength that I had I put both my hands on the bed and raised myself up throwing my back on the bed. Now, my legs were straight but my body uncomfortably crooked.

The door swung open after what felt like minutes. The man in all black with the scar across his face came straight for me. "Here," He whispered as he rearranged me on the bed, sitting up. He sat on the corner of the bed looking inquisitively at me. "How are you feeling?"

"Weak." A small smile came across his face.

"You wouldn't wake up. I tried everything." He must be really dedicated to his patients. Though, he didn't seem to be a man who would waste resources on just a girl.

"I'm awake now. Thank you, doctor." His head slightly turned and shook only once.

"Doctor?"

"Oh. I am sorry. I just assumed since you came to check on me that you were-"

"Do you not know who I am?" He interrupted. His deep voice slightly quivered.

"I thought-."

"Rey, whats my name?" He demanded more harshly.

"I don't-"

"What is my name?" He insisted. "Tell me my name." His hand grasped the edge of the bed in anger. I just shook my head in response. How was I supposed to know his name? He deserted the bed and walked toward the white wall in front of me, slammed his fist into the wall, and yelled for someone to get down here.

Only a few seconds later a man in white shuffled through the door. When the door closed behind him he was being dragged through the air toward the man in black. The man in white, arms painfully shifted at his side, his neck strained up and mumbled out, "Sir, she technically is fine. There is nothing I can diagnose her with except for minor memory loss."

"Minor?" The enraged man in black put his hand down and the man in white fell to the ground. Before I knew it the man in black has his hand stretched out toward me. While I felt a little pain, the longer the man stared at me the more fierce he looked. "There is nothing." He sighed with a hateful gasp.

The man in white had crawled back to his knees gazing at me from across the room. "Leave." The leader's voice boomed through the room. The other man scurried out. "Rey, you are in a first order ship, under my protection. I am Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader." He sat down on the corner of the bed just looking down at me. "What do you remember?"

"Well, sir" He flinched at me calling him sir. "I remember waking up here. Thinking you were a doctor just personally checking on your patient. My name is Rey. I remember sand, heat, and screaming to a ship flying away. I remember scavenging. Honestly, it's all a little fuzzy. How long was I sleeping?"

"Three months. Do you know about the First Order, the resistance?"

"They sound familiar. As you said, I am on a First Order ship." My voice softened. "And you are Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader. Why am I under your protection?"

"You…" It seemed like he didn't know how to respond or was hesitating for some dramatic effect. The man was coarse but the lines on his face told a different story. He had a scar across his face that had healed but left a pink reminder of what had happened. I wanted to reach out and touch it just to see if everything was real. The gloriously dark brown eyes edged on a soothing side. If I looked at them long enough I could get lost.

"I knew you." He seemed too familiar, too close. "I know your scar. I know that it goes down your chest. Were we intimate?"

"Almost." A smirk reached his lips giving away at some secret I didn't know. His gloved hands fumbled with each other close to his body. "You have much to relearn."

As he headed out the door I begged. "Please stay." I reached out my hand toward the man who was already off the bed. He brought a warmth, a comfort to the room. I wanted to cling to the hope that he knew who I was. I remember the little facial quirks he makes. It seems that him being in this room makes me feel less like a patient. 'I don't want to be alone."

"I'm coming back. I am going to get you some water, some food." He nodded as if trying to persuade me that it was the right course of action.

"Blankets?" It was cold in space.

"And blankets. Just don't fall back asleep."

* * *

 **So...I had this thought. I feel like I want to keep writing this one but I am not sure. Review and tell me what you think! I am also writing another Reylo fic, _Please,_ but right now that is a hot mess. Enjoy! **


	2. Chapter 2

What felt like hours went by. I heard people running past my door in different thump of boots vibrated my door just enough to notice obvious action outside of it. Out the window, it was a dark endless void with sparks of light in the distant. The blinding light of the room was ever persistent. Another round of boots went by the door. More this time.

If I could just swing my feet down, I could get in the wheelchair. Like a magical force, something gave me the strength to stand long enough to get into the wheelchair. The black dress hung on every inch of skin. I pulled the small blanket that was across a chair for coverage. I never noticed how little clothing I actually had on. The small straps clung to my shoulders holding up the rest of the dress. The blanket could cover the bareness of my shoulders and keep some decency around. I remembered at least not to be running around naked. I thought that was a good start.

I rushed to the door. Going in a straight line was easy, maneuvering through the door was much harder. The hall was empty now. No men or women were running past the door. It was quiet. Within the hall there were scorched lines down the wall, crisscrossing in every direction. I instinctively reached out to touch the scarred metal and found it smooth. Whatever struck it melted any remnants of sharpness.

Rolling down the hall exhausted all effort of my body. The end of the hall was quite close with only one other door. A hallway leading to the right before the door was open and lit. That hallway split off into three different directions. It was like a maze that I was sure to get lost. I had to remember that I was in the last hallway, second door over. Which way to go? Straight, right, or left? Finally, two people in armored white suits walked down the right hall. They were not running or rushing anywhere.

"Excuse me. Can you help me?" I asked a little too loudly. Both walked straight toward me and my wheelchair.

"Yes Ma'am." Maybe I had authority here? A more feminine voice spoke through the hardness of the suit.

"Um... Can you tell me what's going on? There have been people running down this hall? Kylo Ren was supposed to be coming back? Do you know where he is?"

"The Supreme Leader ma'am? I believe General Hux insisted he go to the command center. The running might have been from patrols, ma'am." The more manly voice answered next.

"General Hux?" Should I go to the command center to find Kylo? Why did I feel so drawn to him? Would these two soldiers know who I am?

"Yes, ma'am. He is second in command."

I should learn who these people are if I am under their protection on this ship. "Can you take me to the command center?" The two armored people looked at each other as if they were telling inaudible secrets.

"Well ma'am, I don't believe we can."

"Why not?" Shock interceded my question and it came out more as a yell.

The two soldiers took a step away from my wheelchair like they felt an invisible wind taking them off their balance. I didn't even hear the heavy footsteps from behind me until he spoke. "Go." The overpowering voice demanded very much the same way he had talked to everyone else, except for me. Something either happened between us, or I was overthinking my situation. Could I be a soldier here? Did he sweep me off my feet? Did I go crawling to him in the middle of the night or am I am nobody with an overactive imagination.

Kylo Ren's hands grasp the handles on my wheelchair as he pulled me back to my room. His voice quiet and the warmth of his breath to close to my ear. "You didn't lose your temper."

We walked into the white room. He helped me out of the wheelchair with a hand on my hand and one on my waist. Everything felt too close with him even though I didn't really know anything about my entire situation. A table had been placed right where the wall had also been fixed from Kylo's own temper. The table was covered in what I could only be assumed as food. I recognized the bread but everything else looked like a colorful assortment.

The metal chair had been replaced with one more comfortable looking. Under the window, a dresser had been added. I noticed a door opened through what was a plain wall across my bed. I could hear the scrape of his gloves moving around. It must be a nervous tick because he is often touching his own hands over and over again.

"I brought food." His nervous tone hinged on a shy persona as he walked from the table to the bed. The times that I saw him talking to anyone else his voice was powerful and demanding. Every time he talked to me it sounded as those his words would break me so he would purposely try to soften them. Was I too breakable?

"I think I was stronger than you treat me. Stubborn too." Trying to remember any aspects of myself were like a puzzle where the pieces never fit together. I was letting the little voice of conscious inside my head and going off of pure instinct. "I have scars over my body. I must have fought a lot. Was I a soldier?"

He said my name but it sounded almost foreign like I hadn't quite recognized it yet. "You did fight like a soldier of some kind. You are strong and stubborn." He shifted. "Weakness right now does not define you. You will be strong again. I will make sure of it." He was serious. His mood always changed like he was also trying to figure out who he was as well. He was both soft and forceful. It was like he could not find a balance in his life for either.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" He sat in the new chair looking less comfortable than I would like.

"Nevermind." I adjusted the topic to a burning question that still remained unanswered. "So what is our relationship? Why are you so nice to me?" No reason to avoid the obvious questions since he was shifting uncomfortably already.

"I'm your enemy." He spoke firmly and it didn't seem like he was joking. His face downturned, his eyes looking at his fumbling hands, and his mouth in a hard-pressed line.

"No, really. I would honestly like to know. Being left the dark is not fun."

With a straight face, he answered again. "You hate me. You rejected me. I am your enemy" He took his glove off and placed his hands on mine. "I asked you to stay with me. We were fighting together but you held on to your past. After everything happened you were gone." His voice almost whispering.

He was sitting so close. I could feel the warmth of his hand against mine. It was such a simple action but it spread over my entire body.

"If I should hate you, why are you so nice to me?" He had a temper. He used people over for anything he wanted and if he didn't get it then they or the surrounding areas were punished. Yet he was so nice, kind, warm to me. Why? If I was such a torment to him why? His eyes continued to look down at the hand he was grasping without his gloves. Could he feel the same way about me that I feel about him, even when he knows our past? "Why me?"

He took an audible breath in as to explain in a long-winded monologue but no words came out. His eyes raised from our mingled hands to meet my gaze. His lips slightly parted. I was still so full of questions and it seemed he was lost for answers. "I...I don't know. You yelled at me, blamed me, but you also talked to me. You wanted to change everything about me and lead me away from the darkness. You don't even know the power that you have. But I have killed your friends again and again. You should be scared of me, hate me, yet here you are, lying in a bed letting me tell you these awful things and you haven't asked me to leave yet. I should ask why you are so enthralled with a man you don't know."

"I see light in you. It's warm and calming. You are temperamental to say the least, but there is something there that is not completely covered in darkness. Its like I feel a power. I know that doesn't make sense but I feel like we have or had a connection. I know so little it's hard to not get frustrated at this whole thing. Here I am thinking that I am secretly a princess with a badass skill of some sort with you always around but you are telling me that everything is wrong. How can I be so wrong when everything seems to fit in place? "

Kylo grabbed the crumpled gloves out of his lap. "You have so much to learn. How do I explain everything that you were." He stood up and walked towards the door. "Get some rest. We start tomorrow."

My hand felt cold and the room suddenly colder, bigger than I remember. It was too quiet. I needed answers and Kylo left without giving me enough and treated me softly and fragile. All the information he must know about me, he could have told me. All the questions I still had pounded in my head. If I personally knew, fought, and had a relationship with the Supreme Leader, I must know the second in charge. Right? What was his name? General Hux.

Pulling the blankets off of my body, I walked heavily toward the table with food. Kylo didn't even stay to eat with me. I didn't know if everything was edible. The familiar bread loaf seemed the safest. Crumbs feel from ripping the bread into more manageable pieces. Somehow it was still warm and expressed the most comforting smell. It was soft, fresh and was both sweet and slightly sour; the most amazing thing I am sure I have ever tasted.

I felt stronger immediately however my legs still shuffled to move me forward. The dresser by the window had every item all in black. Black pants, shirt, and jacket seemed suitable enough for a little chat with Hux. Sitting down on the bed before I put the boots on, I decided that maybe I should wait until the morning for my answers. Undoing everything I just put on, I went back to the table with bread. I poured myself a glass of water and ate until I was satisfied.

Curious about the bathroom, I walked through the door I didn't know was there. The floor and walls were the same clean white but there was a shower with clear doors. It looked like a dream bathroom if anyone were to think of one. A hot shower sounded like a dream as I pressed for hot water and stepped in.

The water rushed over me in a hurry and burned my skin down. My body was melting from the cold by the touch of the water. The smell of luxurious relaxing flowers filled the shower as I washed myself down. Scars along my body became more apparent in the steaming water. My hair, no longer stuck to my neck, rinsed under the abundance of water like never before. The clear doors fogged up until I was dizzy from the heat.

After getting dressed in another silk dress, I presumed made for sleeping, I wrapped my body within the bounds of the blankets and felt my mind falling into a less dangerous sleep.

Watching as he rowed the boat so slowly, he wasn't wearing his black uniform but a comfortable tan. His arms were bare and his shirt cut off at his shoulder. His muscles extended as each swing took more effort than the last. Ben was smiling at me as I just tried to take in the image of us on a lake. We were laughing. It was like I was watching from the air and from my body.

I was wearing a dress that I could only imagine. Beads and lace flowed against the fabric. No longer was I fighting but free to open up to the beauty of the world. Billowing clouds hid the peaks of the mountains and still let the sun shine through. A little island, in the middle of the lake, covered with green, waiting for our arrival.

Only a second later we were standing on a balcony looking at the lake we were just on. The intricate design of the curves and edges of the railing were only softened by the red flowers standing in the pots on top. His fingers skimmed the top of my hand more gentle than I have ever seen his movement. He leaned in and kissed me.

A snapshot and we were in a room too warm for comfort. The fire continued in the fireplace and Ben sat next to me on the couch. My stomach was turning and my heart was beating faster than I ever remember. Somehow it was too dark, we were too close, and I was not myself. I was nervous, unsure. Ben's hair was shifting from the dark black to a soft brown. His eyes stayed the same mysterious dark brown.

"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again… I'm in agony." His voice changing away from the deep careful voice I know."The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you-I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul. Tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything that you ask."

My eyes slowly blink open. Was that a memory or just a dream? It felt so real, so defined. My hand went up to my lips to feel any residual feeling. I am still in my black night dress, within the same room except it is dark. There's a small light on in the bathroom. I hesitatingly get up, holding a blanket over my shoulders and around my chest.

"Hello?" I ask.

* * *

I do not own Star Wars

Little Note, I might change the rating depending on how dark (spoilers) the next chapter becomes. Thank you for reading! I decided to keep going due to those comments I received. They mean more than you know! Tell me what you think of this chapter and if you would like me to continue?


	3. Chapter 3

The cold floor ices my uncovered feet. A man all in black, skin pale white, and a warm orange hair color cut short stands within the bathroom. His beady eyes peered into me as if I were an enemy.

"I wondered who he kept hidden away here." His voice soiled with an slight accent. His lips in a hard line across his face. He felt like a threat. The way his body moved and how he looked at me like a monstrous creature. My instincts told me to run, told me to do anything to get away from this man.

"Were you too good to be killed with the rest of them? Did you watch them die? Hear their screams? No?" He took a pause, watching my reactions. The silence lingered around too long. "You have him wrapped around your finger or is it the other way around? Tell me!" I kept silent still unsure how to answer a man who definitely sees me as the enemy.

"Does he use you like he used all the other ones. Some stormtroopers, some random women we find on the planet. They all tried to stand next to the great Kylo Ren and in the end most of them died." He spoke like a way a fire burns, crackling at certain words and slowly burning at others. "One of them told me he liked her bent over. He didn't want to hear her or see her face." His smile creeped upon his face and made a grimacing chuckle. " I bet he likes to see position do you get into when he walks in? Do you do everything he says or does he like you feisty? Are you on your knees first? Does he get to slap you around or does he keep you-"

"Stop!" I yelled. "He wouldn't. I wouldn't." I murmured as I backed out of the bathroom and started walking toward the door. The light footsteps of the man walked toward me as I walked toward the door. I did not know what Kylo Ren would or wouldn't do but everything about what this man said seemed and felt wrong.

I was becoming angry at the accusations that this man made. Even if I slept with Kylo Ren a hundred times it didn't matter. The room turned darker and even my breath made an echo. I could see Kylo Ren sitting in a chair looking out through his window in another room. He seemed so close and yet so far away like he was a dream when I was very much awake.

"What is going on?" My voice shocked Kylo Ren out of his trance.

"The bond." Kylo said like those two words would make sense.

The man with the orange hair began speaking into what sounded like in the distance but what I knew felt all too close.. "I want to know why you are alive. Why is the last of the Resistance still alive?" The man kept speaking but I stopped listening to the evil dropping out of his mouth. How was I in two places at once? I knew I was still in my room with a man who I thought wanted to kill me but I was also with Kylo in some quiet reflective space.

"Kylo. I don't-"

"Is that Hux? Is he in your room?" A hand grasped my arm and in a flash Kylo disappeared. The echoness was gone and this orange-haired man. I felt strong enough to grab his wrist and twist his grip away from me. I pushed us both back. My back against the door and the man standing in the middle of the room.

"Feisty then… why don't you show me what you do first. What position does he like you in when he walks through the door?" The door started to budge open even with my weight on it. I moved out of the way.

"Hux." Kylo's deep voice resonated through the room. His hand outstretched toward the man who was now holding his own throat. "Get out." Thrown to the ground, Hux managed to crawl to his own feet. No longer was he the strong intimidating man but a scared child afraid of his punishment. He ran out the room, the door closed behind him.

"Everyone will know. This will not go unpunished!" Hux yelled walking out the door.

"Are you okay?" Kylo asked.

"I'm a bit confused. Confused about why he didn't know I was here, confused about us, confused about this whole thing. I just don't know." I took a pause to ask the question that was burning a hole in my mind. "Are we sleeping together? I have to know. He was telling me about your other girls and...I just I need to know even if we are, I am okay with it but, I just, you know, everything seems different between us and I know that I don't know but you know and not knowing is killing me right now."

He smiled, like really smiled. "You are okay with it even if we are?" I don't know if he was smiling at the idea or smiling at me ranting or what. All I knew is he didn't answer my question.

"I-I" I stuttered. Ya I was okay with it, maybe. He was strong and he cared but there was this darkness towards everyone else that was slightly frightening. "I'm okay with it." Maybe in the life before this I hated him but I even knew that wasn't completely true. There was definitely something there that might be worth pursuing now. I wasn't afraid of death or fighting. I knew I was strong and could be strong again and two strong people together couldn't be a bad thing. Right?

I took a step closer to him. "You said I rejected you before. You said that you were my enemy. What if now is the time to change that? What if I don't want to reject you? Even my dreams are of you. You came to me when I was defenseless in my room with a stranger yelling at me. You appeared out of thin air. That's not normal. None of this is normal. There is something here and you can't deny it."

"You weren't defenseless. Never think you don't have the power. You, I think, are even stronger than me." His words soft and comforting. They were intimate. "It's almost tomorrow."

"You haven't slept.I can see the dark circles under your eyes."

"I'll manage.."

Kylo ordered an assortment off food. People continually looked down as they brought each plate in, never once making eye contact. Kylo didn't notice but the lack of acknowledgement was frustrated to a girl who couldn't acknowledge anything. After all the trays had been lined up on the table against the wall, Kylo went over and started picking over everything. There were these purple round balls attached to a branch. He picked up the branch and pulled each one into his mouth. Did I ever know what these were?

"Here try one, there my favorite." I bit down and it popped in my mouth. It was so sweet. "You've probably never had one. It's a fruit, grapes." His smiled and turned to pick up something else off the plate. I tried what he tried as he explained what each thing was, even the bread. He was sweet and caring. It never sounded condescending or belittling. It actually felt like he was enjoying telling me all about his favorite foods and that I should have tried this before.

This all felt normal and too easy. He told me I should hate him, but I didn't. Hux told me he killed everyone around me but I still couldn't hate him. He was cruel to other people. I saw that with my own eyes. He was never cruel to me and there was a sense of balance between us. I felt stronger when he was around and he seemed softer.

"Can you tell me what happened when Hux was here?" I asked playing with the crumbs between my fingers, both of us just sitting on the bed. "When you just appeared?"

"The force surrounds all living things and some people, like me and you, can use its power. There is the dark and light, a balance kind of. We, somehow, share a connection that can bring us together but not really together. It's odd and I don't know why it happens. What I want to do is have you go inside my head and see some of the memories I have with you. It might cause you to remember, if you want to remember." He looked down fumbling with his own hands.

"Why would I not want to remember?"

"We didn't have this. We fought. I don't know if I want you to remember."

"Is that really your choice?"

"I'm the Supreme Leader. Everything's my choice."

"Well that's not fair."

"Nothing is ever fair. The balance does not exist. It's a false notion that everyone talks about but in the end you choose. " He was hurt by his own words like it was something he never meant to say but he said it and it made the room quiet.

"Why are you so angry?"

"Passion and anger is how I draw my strength. It makes me this."

"Do you really want to be like this?" The trepidation in my voice fell off each word.

"Yes. Of course." He didn't seem particularly sure. Maybe he was trying to convince himself. Maybe he was trying to convince me. "I'm the most powerful man in the universe."

"And that is what you want? To control people based on fear and power?"

"You don't understand."

"Fine. Show me. Show me the memories. Make me understand. I have a choice too and I want to know. Show me why I hate you so much."


	4. Chapter 4

AH! I had this sitting and finally figured out where I wanted to go. This is not my favorite chapter but it leads me where I want to go. Thanks for reading and thank you for the people that kept me honest and asked me to write more. It helped more than you know!

* * *

Letting me inside his head was obviously uncomfortable for him and too easy for me. This was unnerving, terrifying, exciting. Like eager poison racing down my veins just to get to see a glimpse of his memories, to feel the moment he is obviously terrified of.

His memory seemed fragmented. Looking through his eyes was something else. He was taller, everything felt a little more urgent, and I felt angry, scared, and conflicted. I, he was walking in a long corridor where black covered everything and a few white lights lit the way. Only the shadows from the red lights made it seem like everything sinister was born here.

Kylo turns from the corridor to a long skinny bridge over an endless void into darkness. The sound of my boots echo into the chasm and cut through the silence of the space. I walk halfway across and I hear a gruff yell, "Ben!". I turn to see an older man standing at the edge of the bridge walking toward me.

"Han Solo, I have been waiting for this day a long time." My gravely voice booms through the room.

"Take off that mask." The older man asks. His breath jagged every time he speaks. I could here the whispers of a plea through his wanted command. "You don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son." The room seems to grow darker as I take off the mask. My heart is pounding and for some reason it feels like I can't do this. Kylo can't do this. I am both hot and cold, heart racing, grueling pain in my gut. I am completely enthralled in Kylos memory. All I know is I feel pain and I am not sure why. Kylo's father coming back for his son is a good memory.

"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him."

"That's what Snoke wants you to believe, buts its not true. My son is alive."

'"No." Kylo definitively says. "The supreme leader is wise."

"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he will crush you. You know it's true."

The man's face seems so similar to me. The nose, the stance and the know all attitude. He is so much like Kylo and yet they are so different. I realize I don't want to experience the rest. I want to pull out of this memory but Kylo asks me to just watch.

"Its too late." This scene feels all too similar and I know it ends in heartbreak. I can feel the tears running down my face. Kylo says he is sorry and forces my hand through his hair, to hold my hand, to keep watching this memory.

"No its not. Leave here with me. Come home." The man was pleading. "I miss you."

"I am being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" Just say no. I can feel betrayal coursing through his pulse. I want to scream at the man to run. Say no. Just say no and leave.

"Yes." Relief comes across the mans face. "Anything."

The light goes out and there is a weapon in my hand. I am shaking within the darkness. I know what happens next. I pull away from Kylo. We are sitting in the comfort of my white room and I just watched him kill his father. I know this memory. I have seen it before.

I push away from the bed in the center of the room and walk toward the door. I should leave. I am no longer seeing life from Kylo's perspective and everything seems shorter and further away. Kylo is sitting on the bed, his own head lying in his hands.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't want...I just don't… I'm sorry." His words slow and unknowing of what to actually say.

"You killed your own father. He was giving you a chance and you killed him. I don't understand why." I was shaking my head to make the memory somehow disappear.

"I'm a monster. I told you." His words short and defined. His presence turned cold and he stood from the bed. I was standing by the door unsure of what to do next. Do I try to run? Do I try to understand his point of view? He is a murderer and I admitted my feelings for him. I feel a sense of guilt and disgust with myself because I felt his anger and sadness. I knew that he pushed himself and instantly regretted it. How can I justify murder even with instant regret.

"I can make you forget again." Kylo walking straight at me never wavering his eyes from mine. "I shouldn't have shown you and now I can make you forget." Every word reverberated their own sound through the room.

The tears were still watering my eyes from the memory and I know I looked weak and pathetic. I was still attracted to this man and that made me feel guilty by association. I am a murderer too.

"Was I there? Did I watch it happen? Why didn't I stop you?"

"You didn't have the ability yet. I would have killed you too." HIs hand reach up against my forehead. "I don't want you to hate me."

"Stop." My words now commanding and solid. "I can not, will not be a part of this. Don't make me forget. Don't force me back into the darkness of pure ignorance. I am not some puppet you get to play with. I know I don't know a lot but taking away what I do know will not make you feel better. It will not make you better."

"You have killed too." He shifted me aside and walked out the door. I didn't look back to see him and I am sure he didn't look back to see me. Am I a murderer too? Does that really make any difference?


	5. Chapter 5

I am tearing myself apart. Kylo-even thinking his name is confusing. How do I deal with the obvious issue that he might be evil? Can an evil person love? How does he treat people with such contempt and then fall apart and let me hear him breathe? I have so many questions and so few answers.

Days have gone by and only one question runs through my head. Can I love a murderer?

Can I even love without knowing everything? Will I ever remember who I was before I woke up alone on this ship. Sitting alone in my white room, hearing people walk by my room endlessly. I tried to just walk out the door. I didn't want to be trapped with this constant memory of patricide. It hurt too much. Nonetheless, the door doesn't open by my hand anymore. I am a prisoner again.

Then I hear his voice in my head telling me that I am a murderer too. That should mean we are the same. Being the same as him just doesn't seem right. He is so angry, even with his awkward softness. The echo of my heart and lungs beam through the room, always empty, always quiet. How many days will I be stuck? How many days will he keep me here? I'm trapped. I am trapped with myself, in this room. Questions run through my head before I can even comprehend what they all mean. They all run together.

Am I evil? Am I just like him? Am I a murderer too? Have I killed people? Did they have families? Was it all a mistake? Was I even worth a breath? What do I do? What am I supposed to feel? Why am I here? What? Why? How? My heart races faster. Air never catches my lungs. I breathe faster. I look for an escape. My body screaming for air. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Tears build in the corners of my eyes. Everything gets blurry. My head spins. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

"I can't breathe." I press between the gasps of air I try to take. I grab the wall. I grab the dresser. I move to the bed. My chest pulsing up and down. I can't breathe. Help. "I can't. " breathe. I slide down from the floor, my back against the bed frame staring out the window. The immense space outside the window belittles me. One, two, three. Breathe. One, two, three. Breathe. My fists clench against the cold floor. One, two, three. Breathe. Eyes closed, I try to capture some type of rhythm. One, two, three. Breathe.

Alone, in this room for days. I am not quite sure how many. But a few more hours or minutes pass until boots stop at my door. I know there is someone there. Is it him? Should I go to the door?

The boots have not moved from the door. "Please" I whisper against the door close enough to touch the cold metal against my forehead. "Please let me out. Please."

The boots walk away and I am left with the instant regret of even saying a word. I slide down and lean against the wall. My hands cover my face and there is nothing to do but sob. I feel like I have no power and no reason to even try. Was this their tactic? To break me? To leave me here and let me rot like I should. Like the murderer that I am supposed to be. The lack of food has taken a toll. I am weak and for the first time since I have been here I just want to close my eyes. I just want to dream and sleep. My heart aches for it. I don't even feel enough energy to move from this door. This is my prison.

And like a dream, I see a room that is not my own. Maybe I fell asleep. The room disappears and all I see is Kylo. Only Kylo. Wearing all black, including the mask. "I hate that mask," I muttered as a final act of defiance against my jailer.

He turned around and looked straight at me, turned around and walked away. "Good." His voice barely reached my ears. I don't chase him or even get up. What's the point?

When I make it to my bed, I fall asleep, dreamlessly. Another day gone.

"LET ME OUT!" I scream repetitively as I band as hard as I can on the metal door. Someone has to hear me. Someone has to get tired of hearing me. Bring me food. Preferably not poisoned. I realized that, though giving up might be an option, today was not the day. I was going to get someone's attention no matter what I had to do. I will fight and continue to fight until I have no fight left.

I am done sleeping. I am done taking baths and showers. I am done pretending to clean, to fold clothes. I am done with this room. "LET ME OUT!"

No one has even walked by the door. It doesn't even seem like they patrol around her anymore. There was nothing to throw at the door. Nothing to tear through the walls. Nothing in this white hell I have been stuck in for what feels like forever.

In the most fakely sweet voice, I call out to my annoyingly stubborn captor."Oh, Kylo Ren! You Supreme Leader piece of crap! Are you going to leave me here forever? Let me starve? Think I am going to go silently. Let me tell you.. You… you self righteous idiot. Can you hear me now? I hate you. You got what you wanted. Aren't you happy, you father killing damnable monster? You can kill me now." I didn't want to die but it would be nice to even see a angry lunatic coming through my door. If he were to come in I could wait by the door and just run. I don't know where I would run to but I had to get out of here.

"Maybe I'll ask Hux to come back here. He seemed more interested in me than anyone right now. Especially your batha headed self. Come now. Are you going to starve someone you were trying to win over? Are you crazy! You must be crazy. You could have lied and…If you wanted me to hate you, I hate you now. You win"

What was I doing? Asking to get tortured because I can't be by myself. Pathetic. Kylo could have lied and kept me in the dark. He was still torturing me now. Keeping me alone and starving, alone. I just need someone, something to keep me from losing it forever.

"Let me out! Let me out you mask wearing freak! You can't keep me here forever. I mean… you could but. Ugh. Someone talk to me. I am going crazy if you didn't notice. Not like it seems anyone cares."

No one responds. No one ever responds. No one walks by my door. Silence in my white room with white walls. Nothing.

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Long time no story... I know. I lost a little inspiration and did a book dive/obsession to get my writingness flowing. If anyone is still interested in reading my weird confusing love/hate story then I will keep writing. And if you hate it well I keep writing anyway and hopefully, it will go a little faster than these last two chapters did! Thank you again for reading. This is my first real story so any suggestions would be awesome!


	6. Chapter 6

Things were happening. And by things I meant I was getting rocked around like all the furniture in my solitude. It was day whatever since I had been locked away like a prisoner for having feelings for a monster. I guess that should be a warning. Maybe Kylo should have a label in a big red box saying "no touchy or bad things happen like getting locked in a room and going crazy". That might be a little long for a label but the point would be made.

The dresser keeps sliding one way, then the other. I try to hold on the only bolted thing in the room, the bed. Even then, my body is swishing from one side to the other while the lights flicker. Out my window, all I see are man-made lights in the distance. An alarm keeps going off and on.

The piercing loud cracks reverberate through the walls every few seconds. And they sound like it getting closer.

"Get out!" I hear shouted through the room by the distinctive voice that had refused to even mutter a word. "Get out now! Go to the ship bay now! Rey run!" The commands come one after the other and I am somehow, someway calmed by that voice. He finally talked to me. Someone finally talked to me. I hated his commands. I hated how he thought he could control me. I hated myself for wanting to hear his voice.

I was barely holding on the bed and got tossed to the window. My back against the glass as another sound rippled through the walls. Like an animal who had just been born, I wobbled my way to my door, trying to grab onto anything that could help me. Holding onto the door handle with my body parallel to the ground, I finally opened the door. The door opened inward and I flew against the wall. The door started swinging back and forth. This was becoming an obstacle course. This was an escape and my body was becoming weaker and weaker with every struggle.

I know I am not a damsel in distress and I know I can make it out of this stupid door. I crawl against the wall. I am thrown against the floor. I held my hand out to not get slammed by the door coming straight at me. I took a few needed deep breaths, got up from my hands and knees, and walked out the door.

Now which was was the ship bay? I hadn't really been 'allowed' to explore the ship in my solitude. Right or left? Right or Left? Right or… A body pushed into me and we ran left.

"Go." Was all he said behind me. Lights were flickering red then white. The walls down were lined with holes. Some people in their white suits were lying on the floor. I slowed down only to notice the amount of carnage through this hall. Then down the next. Fear pushed through me like a drug and I didn't know where I was running but I was running. He would only say right or left or faster with a little push on my back. He was running behind me.

The shuttle bay was pure chaos. Small ships flying out but none flying back into the bay. Everytime one would go out pieces would start flying. I look at Kylo, no mask, and his face calculating and concerned. It seemed like time was just passing by and grinding metal kept the sound shifting through. He looked at me and said "Lets go". It was final. I didn't know what the finality of it meant. I just wanted to get out of there. And this time I followed him gladly. He walked slow, purposefully. His breath still hitched from running. He was looking for something. I could have picked a hundred different ships but he was looking for the right one.

Of course, it is the most ridiculous looking one with giant wings. Two huge cannons on each side. We walk in and it is much bigger than I thought it would be. "You'll help me fly." He looked at me and continued forward. The door closing behind us. Two seats at the front and he had already taken his place on the left. The sound of the ship was silent and stealth compared the loud cacophony outside. I grabbed the wheel in front of me and everything else came naturally. Not quite like a memory but an instinct.

The smaller ships were still buzzing out of the bay, like an endless army. We lifted off the ground and we flew into the chaotic mess outside. The bays forcefield let us out and immediately we say lasers coming at us. "Hold on" We swerved and used the smaller ships as shields. Are own shields were depleting. It seemed all the fire was heading straight for us. We flew into the open space, uncongested by the smaller ships and we hit hyperspace.

Kylo sighed a deep breath. "It's over."

"What's over? What happened?"

"Everything." He pulled himself off his seat and looked at me with those endless brown eyes, soft and sweet. Something I thought I hadn't seen in forever. "I've made my choice. You have joined me. You know. I let it all die. For you. I killed everything for you."

"You killed…" He was a murderer after all. I was supposed to be a murderer but seeing the bodies on the floor brought me nothing but pain. Never had I seen our stark differences and here they were. Night and day. "For me?" My voice trailing off to silence. He didn't answer but just grabbed my hands and stood me up.

"I will never hurt you." His hands moved up my arms, gently up my neck to my face. "We're free now." I knew what he was going to do next and I avoided his lips coming closer to mine. He starved me. He killed some amount of people. His touch electrocuted my body in all the right ways and I wanted his kiss my mind refused every advance my heart thought was right. He was breaking my heart.

His eyes never left my face. His voice soft, deep asking me why. "You already hurt me. You made me want you. You made me crave your voice, your touch and then you left me for days, starving. I begged. I hated you with everything in my body. Now you want me to innocently let you back in. You already hurt me." I shook my head and walked to the back of our ship flying through space.

I was shaking. I wanted his hands around me comforting me and I also never wanted to see him again. I laid on the bunk and fell asleep in the room.

The clink of the plate drifted my eyes open. A large piece of bread laid before me. I knew it was there but ate it so fast I was surprised it was all gone. I never looked up. I ate the bread and stared at the ground. I knew if he was so close again I wouldn't reject him. My dreams had made sure of that. My needs for him were still there even though he was sometimes awful.

Wait... we weren't moving.


	7. Chapter 7

My body was heavy. I knew we were no longer in space. The eerie silence within the ship made it clear the Kylo was gone. Alone again. Maybe that is my life story, to be alone. Even though I could feel nothing but still air I had to make sure. "Hello?" My voice creaked out of my throat. Silence answered like I had assumed it would.

I woke up and stretched my body around. Too stiff to actually walk, I moved my shoulders trying to get some resemblance of how I could move. I was wearing the completely wrinkled black silk that fit more in my white solitude then it did in this seemingly militarized ship. I awkwardly walked to the front of the ship, each step is easier to maneuver. All I saw was green.

Trees and sunlight and bushes and plants and leaves. I needed the air on the outside of this ship as I had never needed anything before. I ran to the door and it opened to an increasingly chilly burst. The air was crisp and musky, a relief from the antiseptic recycled air that had been my only friend. I walked out of the ship and goosebumps covered my body. The dirt was softer than I thought it would be. I could curl my toes and feel life under my feet. It wasn't metal but real ground. I felt free. My hand raked against the rough skin of the giant tree around me. I walked feeling the ground, touching everything I could like a child. I could hear chirping surround me but nothing animal moved around me. It was sweet chime murmuring something I could not understand. It was a sound so natural I wanted just to listen and be.

Hands gently wrapped around my waist and a deep sigh nestled at my neck. I wrapped my arms around my waist covered large scarred hands that rested there. Comforting warmth circled around those hands and pressed at my back. A current was flowing through me creating a pleasant hum from my toes to the top of my head started from where lips were touching my neck. I let out a whimper when it stopped.

"We need to get back inside." The voice dark and luring whispered so close to my ear.

"I like it out here." I subtly begged to stay. Everything felt better out here. The air whipping against my skin, the hands hugging my center, the breath against my neck, the sun peeking through the trees and even the smell surrounding me. I was happy and content.

"I know but we need to go back. You will do something you regret."

"No," I whispered.

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Yes. Back now, or I won't stop you from acting on whatever ideas are in your head." His hands moved from my waist to my hips to turn me around. I was letting him have control. I didn't want to stop him. I wanted him to do those things that may or may not be in my head. I bit the bottom of my lip looking at his lips.

"No." And I kissed him. My hands traveling up his body, grasping everything I could to get him closer. I wanted more. I needed more.

"Rey," he growled deep within his throat. I wanted this. The need was pulsing through my body. A kiss was not enough and I was craving his touch everywhere. He kissed back, his teeth brushing against my lip.

"I need you. Ben, please." He immediately pushed himself back.

"What did you say?" His voice colder than it should be.

"Come back. I need you." I whimpered. The incredible longing to have him touching me.

"What did you call me?" He grabbed my hand and it felt like poison running through my veins. We were walking towards the ship. It looked like vines were already growing against the metal exterior.

"I want to stay out here. With you." His demeanor softened and pulled me closer and whispered for me to wrap my legs around him. I followed his orders. He held me in place and walked to the ship. A low moan escaped his throat and heat was tracing everywhere where I was touching him. "Please," I begged against this torture. The door of the ship closed behind us.

He pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard and fast like he would never kiss me again. Then he stopped. He let go of the hold he hand and placed me on the bunk and walked to the other side of the room. He walked in a small line back and forth, let up a sigh, and walked back to the bunk. I went out to touch him and he grabbed my hand.

"Why did you call me Ben?" Looking at me like he was peering into my soul.

"It just slipped out. It felt so right." I went out to touch him again but he held my hands in place on the bed. "It just felt like a dream. In my dreams, I call you Ben. Let's go back outside."

"You have to resist it, Rey." My name was warm on his lips. "I won't be able to resist it much longer and I don't know how long the effects will last."

"I don't want to resist."

"Rey." He said like a breath. "I'm sorry." His hand had come up to my head and all I felt was complete darkness take hold of me.

When I woke up, I felt weak and disoriented. Memories of sand washed over my mind like a never-ending desert in front of me. The memory felt so real and so close. Sitting, looking out of the desert. If I could just think a little harder I might know what it meant. I grabbed my head to try to soften the throbbing that had taken residence since I woke up.

"Kylo?" I called out not really expecting a response. "Ben?" I don't know why I really used that name. Something so familiar about it on my lips and his response. Oh no, his response. What happened before? I was walking outside and just this need to be close to someone, anyone. I had goosebumps on my arm and electricity pulsing through my veins. I remember his hand outstretched and me falling asleep.

I wanted to scream and yell and throw a tantrum. I had been taken out of one room and placed in another. I am living by his rules, by his power and he once had said I had the same power. I reached my hand and the plate on the table slightly jiggled in front of me but a pain throbbed in my head immediately. I knew I had power. I used the power to see into his head. He had told me I was a fighter. I can fight.

I walked up to the giant window at the front of the ship and stared. The vines had crept around the window but not touching it. The window had a clear film almost completely covering it.

"We have to get out of here." I heard from behind me. I turned around to face this man. I felt like he kept me trapped. "How are you feeling?" His voice lingered slowly on each work almost hesitant to let them out.

"How am I feeling?" I paused. "Like I have been kidnapped and taken along with some outraged monster who kills everyone that is in front of him. I don't know what power you are using to make me fall in love with you but I know I am not that kind of person. I know that I never killed anyone off of a whim. You killed your own father and I know you can and could have killed me. I don't understand. I wanted you so bad but I wasn't thinking. You told me you were my enemy. That I should hate you and now I do. I am tired of this game."

"I can't make you fall in love with me." He looked down. "The plants here secrete something to make you comfortable and only decrease your resistance. They make you want what you want more. I don't want to control you" The silence seemed to linger on too long. I didn't know how to respond or even if I believed him.

"I can't do this." I managed to whisper. My hand brushed my hair back and closed my eyes. I didn't have the want to even argue with him. "How do we get out of here?" My words short. I didn't want to say anything I would regret again. I hate that I was attracted to his darkness, that I liked it. Obviously, I didn't like the murder and complete disregard of morality but I kept thinking of him and how gentle he was with me. But then how he tortured me and he continues to torture me over and over again. How do I love and hate him at the same time? Why do I want to kiss him? Why do I want to run?

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Thank you for the comments and continued support! Let me know your thoughts. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

"We can't leave yet."

"What do you mean? You just said we had to get out of here!"

"I know but what I did.." He took a deep breath. "Honestly, I don't know where to go."

"So, let me get this straight. If I go outside and touch anything I will be a complete mess who will try to do anything to get in your pants? And if I stay in here we will run out of food and supplies? And the whole universe hates you? We are stuck here?"

"Do you hate me?"

"Yes?" I knew I said it like a question. I knew I was trying to convince myself. I knew whatever was in the air could not make feelings out of nowhere. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me ever since he left me on my own on that stupid ship. I wanted him when he was torturing me. I wanted him when he killed people. I wanted him like I knew he wanted me. I couldn't stop thinking about throwing myself at him. I wanted to kiss him again and so much more.

"You called me Ben." He had the same look as when we kissed. "You are remembering."

"I dream." I walked closer to him. "It feels so real sometimes." He had his gloves on again. All I wanted to do was touch him. "I don't think it's just the plants."

He smiled at me. "What do you dream?"

I grabbed his hand and pulled the glove off one finger at a time. "You asking me to join you and me denying it. I denied you and I know you wanted to kill me. I know I have wanted to kill you." I took the glove off his other hand.

"I wouldn't."

"You would." I grasped his hand and but them at my waist and I hugged him. It felt so safe wrapped here. "Maybe I am just as bad as you. Maybe I should have joined you in that room. Let me see our story. Show me every memory." I wanted to see it all. I wanted to see all the context that I was missing. I had dreamed about his outstretched hands so many nights and every single time I walk away. I needed to see it. No matter what had happened, if I was supposed to hate him I needed to know it. "Ben, I can't leave this time. I'm not going anywhere. Show me. Please."

We walked to the bunk and with my hand outstretched, he showed me. From the moment he met me in the forest when he was interrogating me, our bond. He was a monster. I knew that. He invaded my mind. He came to our camp and killed everyone except me. I watched it all from his eyes and how he felt. He knew I would always join him. Since shackled to that chair, invading my mind, he knew. He saw it. This was always meant to be.

I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I watched him kill Snoke. I watched us fight together and I saw me say no to him. I saw me try to kill him. I saw his story.

His face was angry. "You said no. The thing that I wanted most out of anything in the galaxy you said no. I wanted revenge. You saved everyone again. When I found out where your camp was I wasn't going to let you live. I am still the same monster you hate."

"You've done worse than kill me. You've broken me. You put me back together and you left. I will never be the same girl from that camp. Through your eyes, I was a monster too. I just didn't know it. I wanted to pretend I was light. The problem is, in your situation, I would have done worse."

"No."

"I would have killed you. I would have ended it. I tried."

"No."

"I'm not light. I don't think I ever was. I always felt passion and anger. You saw it. I will always lean toward the dark. I know that now. I don't have to keep fighting. I've seen it through your eyes." I kissed his hands. " I know what I want now."

A low growl deep within his throat sound and he had me on my back. He claimed my mouth and kissed down my neck. Our hands running up and down one another the peel off each other's clothes. He knew what I wanted and I begged him to keep doing it.

He stood up and soon I was lying naked on the bunk. He only had one piece of clothing left. His hands in the waistband.

"Do you want this?" He almost said like a statement, strong and commanding.

"Ben," I begged

"Do you want this?" Even louder.

"Yes, please, yes." His lips were on mine. My hands rubbing down his chest down. The pressure was building and I need him now. "Please," I whimpered one more time. I guided him into me and let everything explode.

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This is it. I wanted so much more but I have to focus on other things and I needed to end it. She was always going to go dark. If you are still reading, thank you! Thank you to those who kept messaging me and commenting. Let me know what you liked or what you hated. I can't say thank you enough!


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